Girl, That Breakup Looks Great on YOU!
Chronicles of a messed up situation! Ready?
Text Message: I love you.
Text Message: Leave me alone, I'm in a relationship.
Text Message: EXCUSE ME?
Text Message: This is his girlfriend Jasmine.
The moment your heart stops but life isn't gracious enough to take you completely out of your misery!
" HE'S CHEATING! "
I'll spare you the gory and disrespectful details! You know?! The ones after she called me, explained to me that she HAS (MY?) (A) man that she knew was in a 10 year relationship and has had him for about a year.
Nothing like a "CLASSY" new woman. HUH?
I have to admit though, everything that happened post heart palpitations and my "what in the hell just happened" moment was impressive.
You know! AFTER the typical tears run dry, blaming yourself, talking about it OVER AND OVER again just to help it make sense AND bursting in-to tears in the McDonalds Drive-Thru ( I swear that actually happened & much love to the girl handing me my fries for saying " I really hope it gets better! " THANK YOU BOO! )
BUT! Something inside of me switched on like a generator of strength! I thought to myself "There is purpose behind the excruciating pain I am feeling." "I need to make beauty out of such an ugly hurt and pain."
" I just moved on! "
That good POST BREAK-UP Haircut!
Not immediately BUT I definitely moved on. It wasn't easy! BUT definitely Worth IT!
I found peace!
" FIRST! I STOPPED TALKING ABOUT IT! "
Granted! I told only my close friends. I just stopped discussing it. I had to stop going over every detail of what happened. My mind literally needed a break from the religious bouts of thoughts! I took those first couple of weeks one moment at a time.
It was the people in my life that came out of the wood-works that helped me SO MUCH. The encouraging text messages or the walk and talks. That one friend that says " YOU CAN'T SIT IN THAT HOUSE ALONE. LET'S GO! " In those times, I found reasons to smile! Thank goodness for them!
Another HUGE part of my progression was
" Picking Up The Pieces."
I took a lot of alone time. Not the alone time where I sulked! Instead, I decided to actually HEAL.
Iyanla Vanzant wrote a book called TRUST that is nothing short of powerful!
It was in the quiet places that I rediscovered "NESS"
I would visit one of my favorite places. A Butterfly Garden!
Edgerton Park in Hamden, Connecticut
Here, I would cry my tears, pray, pick myself back up and remind myself that I was still OK! "Ironically," the bench I would faithfully sit on was inscribed:
" You Are Closer To Gods Heart In A Garden"
I found no greater peace than in those still moments where I was honest with myself, found motivation and strength deep down inside and prepared for my future.
The beginning of a new chapter felt scary but was so exciting at the same time!
" ENDING A 10 YEAR RELATIONSHIP IS HEAVY! "
You have a feeling of "What the hell is next?" I planned a whole life with this person. My entire future included HIM. Bittersweet I must admit. After sifting through all of the plans you had that WONT come true, your hurt feelings settle! TIME TO PLAN. Thinking about it and realizing that you are in a brand new book, on a nice clean page. You've healed, hopefully forgiven this person and tended to your broken places. You realize that you deserve happiness!
This is what it looked like for myself.......
Social media had to go, it was wayyyyy too toxic for me! It also sucked up too much of my time. Nothing helps you realize that your time is valuable like a nasty break-up after 10 years. I picked up volunteering because it felt positive to focus on someone else and be helpful. I poured over my professional life as well. No better time than now to give your career 110%. Most importantly, I poured into my relationship with God. He undoubtedly taught me a hard lesson to get me to one of the happiest and most fulfilling moments of my life. I was baptized November 6, 2016! I haven't looked back since. The commitment was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I know that by His GRACE AND MERCY, I don't look like what I've been through!
All this to say, your happiness is bigger than an Instagram post to show your ex that you are fine with out him. You can actually find growth and happiness after a heart shattering separation. It can truly be a transformative period that can give you the platform and strength to BE BETTER!
" My Love, Your Heart Hurts NOW But It Won't Always Hurt! "
Bent but not BROKEN!